An Example of God's Grace

Well I still first remember the first time
I felt the power of your kiss
It hit me like a bolt of lightning
I said I never will recover from this
And like the words from the mouth of a prophet
I have lived to see those words come true
Just look at me now, I'm still reeling

With every little kiss I'm reminded
How wonderful it is to be in love with you
With every little look
With every little touch
With every little kiss

Like a moth being drawn to a candle
This is something that I can't resist
I guess you could say I'm addicted
Cause I keep coming back again and again
And after all of the storms we have weathered
All the seasons of change we've been though
Well Somehow the flame keeps getting brighter

With every little kiss I'm reminded
How wonderful it is to be in love with you
With every little look
With every little touch
With every kiss you give me just a little taste of heaven
Just one more good gift that God has given
I don't want to miss one single little kiss

"With Every Little Kiss" by Steven Curtis Chapman

My wife and I recently celebrated our 21st wedding anniversary. 21 years. The entire concept is astonishing to me.

Every time I look at her, I'm amazed that a woman like that would love a man like me. I still experience pangs of fear, that she'll come to her senses and realize that she deserves someone better.

Having her as my life's partner gives me concrete proof of the existence of God. As the revered hymn "Amazing Grace" puts it, "Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me." God loves me in spite of the fact that I'm totally unworthy of that love. Same goes for my wife. In a world where there was no God, this would simply be impossible.

She is my wife, my friend, my confidante, and all things in between. I apologize, but I simply do not have the words to express all that she means to me. I also won't share EVERYTHING she means to me in this venue!

The reason she isn't listed as one of my Mentors is that she means so much more to me than that.

I simply thank my gracious Lord for bringing her into my life!

Memories

Wow - it's been a couple of months since I added anything on here. Time flies when you're busy I guess.

I'm approaching one of those milestone moments in life - my 30 year high school reunion. Unfortunately I'm not going to be able to make it to the actual reunion, but it has given me opportunities to re-connect with many of the people I grew up with and went to school with. Looking through a 30 year lense, I realize what a remarkable group of people I was privileged to know.

It also gives me occasion to engage in a little self-relfection. Again through the lense of time, I see a young man who was often very engaged socially and yet frequently lonely. I see a person who could be often bitingly sarcastic and critical of others. I often long to be able to rewind to those days, mark down every hurtful thing I ever said to someone and offer up my profound apologies.

I also carried an inordinate amount of pride, particularly in my "intellect". Decent grades in school came pretty easily, and I was a very strong test taker. I somehow managed to morph that into me being some kind of ivory tower intellectual.

But what did I learn from these things? I've come to know that God has used these experiences to shape the man that I am continuing to become.

Let's start with the self applied "intellectual" label. On this one, I have to go back to one of the "mentors" that I've already posted about - C.S. Lewis. When I read Mere Christianity, one of the clearest realizations I came to was that my so-called intellect was folly. I was not the smartest person around, and knowledge is useless when held up to wisdom. As I've aged, I've noticed that my capacity to absorb more knowledge is diminishing, and I'm fine with that. What I pray for now is wisdom and discernment. I pray that He would help me to make the best decisions I can. I pray that He would help me to grow in my love for Him and for his children. I still have so very far to go.

As far as my penchant for nastiness goes, I still have many miles to go to overcome that. I will say, however, that occasioanally I find myself learning from that as well. Let me tell a little story on that point.

I have a beautiful, delightful daughter. She is currently 13, and has caught the drama bug that infects her Dad. A couple of years ago, we were doing a sketch for one of the church services. The premise of the sketch was 2 guys going out to collect for a food drive. One of them (me) was apprehensive, the other one was trying to show him that things wouldn't be that bad.

The two guys started going up to doors and met several different characters. One of the characters - a young teenage girl who was "punked out", was played by my daughter (she's very tall so can pull off roles older than her actual age).

When we arrived at church that morning, she was dressed in a short black skirt, her hair was colored a bright pink and going in many different directions, she had fishnets on her arms, a ripped sweatshirt and generally looked like a rather "undesirable" teenager. She looked perfect to play the role.

What shocked me, however, was that from the minute we walked in, she started drawing stares. As we got out of the car in the parking lot, a lady drove by throwing eye daggers at her. Many other people within the church - of all ages - gave her disapproving glares as we walked down the hall.

What was going on? Don't you people know my daughter? She's sweet and kind and loves the Lord. She's not a punk! How can you judge people like this?

(Before anyone forms an undeserved impression of our church, it is NOT a stodgy, "everyone dressed to the hilt" type of place. To give you an indication, I tend to wear shorts much of the year, and you see very few suits and ties in the place. I guess it just shows that people are humans wherever you go.)

A still small voice said "Hmm, suppose you ever judge people like that, Dale? Judge them based on looks alone? Automatically pigeon hole them into some category based on their looks or some other characteristic?"

Guilty as charged, Lord.

I'd love to say that I never judge people anymore, but I'd be a bald faced liar. I do find myself checking myself more often, and pray that He continues to open my eyes to my shortcomings.

So for whatever it's worth, I offer a blanket apology to all of those many people I have offended in the past. Please forgive me.

Busy busy busy

I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is, it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say
From Word of God Speak by MercyMe

Haven't posted too much lately because I've been pretty busy with work. Since I'm a self-employed consultant, being busy with work is necessarily evidence of God's provision in my life. Do I always stop to realize that fact and thank Him? Sadly, no I don't. Of late, however, I definitely have.

So over the past couple of weeks I've been out in Chicago working hideously long days at a grocery distribution center. I flew home Friday night. This morning (Sunday), my son and I are packing up the car and heading out on a college visit road trip to California. We'll get home next Saturday. Next Sunday I get back on a plane for Chicago.

Bear with me folks - life doesn't always allow time for me to post my thoughts, but I have to pay the bills.

Kirby in Iraq - Update

For anyone who responded in prayer to my earlier post about Kirby - our former neighbor serving his second tour in Iraq - I want to thank you and to give you an update.

We received an email update from him today. While he spends quite a bit of time "in country" - traveling to different sites in Iraq for his duties - his base of operations is in the Al Faw Palace. I found a link below to give you an idea of the place:

http://midnight.hushedcasket.com/2006/05/26/al-faw-palace-and-aussie-football/

Please continue to pray for him and his family. I'll leave you with the last paragraph of his email:

"Well, need to get back at it. All's well here, and let me reinforce what I have always said... the world is not coming to an end. We have a really tough fight on our hands, and mistakes have been made, but that is the nature of this business. Keep the young kids out here in convoys and kicking down doors in your thoughts."

On A Lighter Note - Being a Fan

Some folks who are in regular contact with me have already heard this, but I'm going to write about it nonetheless!

I love football. Well, the professional game doesn't interest me all that much, but I really enjoy watching the local high school play and I've been a very avid University of Oregon Ducks fan for many years. When I was attending the college, the team was pretty pitiful, but I still enjoyed the atmosphere surrounding the games. Their success over the past decade has made it even sweeter. This past season brought an event, however, that stopped me in my tracks.

Oregon played a very highly regarded Oklahoma team and pulled out a victory - a victory aided by a controversial official's call close to the end of the game. Truth be told, this game - like virtually all games - had errors committed by the officials that aided both sides. The controversy, however, exploded across the entire country. Virtually every media outlet discussed it ad nauseum. Fans on both sides overreacted horribly. I don't recall any instances of physical violence, but there were certainly stories of cars being vandalized and many vulgar epithets were thrown back and forth.

It wasn't only the fans of these two teams who were getting in on the action. The following week I received an email from a good friend who happens to be a fan of Oregon's traditional arch rival - Oregon State. He was basically trying to get me to admit that Oregon didn't deserve to win the game, etc.

I responded with an email that was pretty testy in tone. When his reply came back, basically saying "Whoa Nellie!", I knew something was very wrong here.

What would I have done had it been Oregon State in the situation? Yup - I would have been trying to get every OSU fan I knew to admit that they didn't deserve the win. This took me off in a new direction.

What is it about being a fan of a sports team that gives me a right to belittle the fans of other teams? I don't play for the team, in fact I never even played organized football. Yes, I attended the school, but how is it that a victory by "my" team makes me a superior human being to the fan of the other team or teams? Why do I get sullen and depressed when "my" team loses? Why should I let their success of failure have any bearing on my demeanor at all?

When I looked at these questions objectively (or at least tried to), I realized that I had to step back from this obsession. Cheering for a team doesn't make me any better than the next fellow. Letting their success or failure affect my demeanor is so obviously wrong as to be laughable. Will a win by the Oregon Ducks help me to overcome any of my personal challenges? Will it make the world a better place, solve hunger or accomplish anything else beyond swelling the chests of their fans? Of course it won't.

I have held a belief for a very long time that our society is a mirror reflection of ancient Rome. Civilization has changed enough to preclude us from attempting to conquer the known world militarily, but this country has done a pretty effective job of conquering culturally and economically. What are our sporting events if not modern equivalents of the gladiatorial games held in antiquity? Our society - for the most part - has developed beyond the blood lust of those days, but the irrational devotion is very similar.

I could make some kind of analogy of the obsession with my team's success being an addiction like alcoholism. After all, of a former president can be described as addicted to sex, why can't I claim this addiction. Actually, now that I think about it, I rather like the latter comparison. Sex - if practiced within the confines of a marriage and without any truly bizarre behaviors - is wonderful. A person need not abstain from sex to keep it under control.

The same goes for being a sports fan. To say that I'll never watch another game or cheer when my team scores would be foolish and needlessly masochistic. I just have to keep it rational and within the confines of the game!

Mentors - Jeff Crosno

We now take a look at the first of my mentors who is still among the living. I've known him for around 15 years now. Our worlds have drawn apart significantly over the past few years, but I still cherish his wisdom. After becoming a Christian - or coming back to Christ, to be more accurate - I was attending a relatively large church - one that my wife had been a member of since she was 10 years old. For roughly my first 10 years there, it would have been considered a "traditional" church - focused on having outstanding preaching, a remarkably talented group of singers (the music tended to be 18th, 19th and early 20th century vintage), and ministries that were focused on taking care of each other. Along came Pastor Crosno. Jeff was a good preacher, but his messages tended to be more practical and less the soaring theological flights taken by his predecessors. Since we were quickly closing in on the 21st century, he also tried to take the music ministry from the 18th century to a blend of the 19th and 20th. That met with some resistance – particularly when the new Music Minister brought in a black gospel group for a Sunday night service!

All of that was well and good, but what impressed me most was that he brought the concept of servanthood to our congregation. Our Lord bowed so low as to wash the feet of his disciples. He fed the hungry and poor, healed those who were afflicted. He reached out to those less fortunate. So, as Christians, are we not supposed to emulate what He did for us? As a church, should we not be reaching out to those in our community who need aid? Of course we should.

I considered Jeff a good friend. When he left to take on another church in a different city, we decided to make a move as well for various reasons. The body of believers that we have found embraces the concept of serving. Is it perfect? Obviously not, but I’ve found that the more a group of Christians concentrates on serving others, the more they WANT to serve others. Hmm. Maybe that’s what Pastor Crosno was trying to tell us.

Jeff also gave me a piece of advice that I hold dear to this day. As mentioned in a previous post, I went from a 5 day a week in the same office corporate job to a position as a consultant for a software company. In case you don’t know, that type of position involves travel. A LOT of travel. When the software company offered me the position, I wanted it. Badly. I mean I REALLY wanted it! But what about the responsibility to my family? At that point I had a 3 year old and a 7 year old at home. I’d be heading out on the road 30-40 weeks a year.

First I talked to Linda. “This is your dream job, Dale. You need to do it.” Still not satisfied – why do men always fail to listen to their wives? – I went to talk to Jeff – as a friend and as a pastor. Trying to cover my bases, however, I phrased it in Christian Speak.

“How do I know if this is God’s will for my life?” (How’s that? Not bad, huh!?)

“Dale, a lot of people get hung up on looking for the ‘green lights’. Is this the direction I’m supposed to go, Lord? Are you sure, Lord? I would suggest you pay more attention to the ‘red lights’. If you are seeking God’s will and delighting in Him - truly committed to Him - He will give you the desires of your heart. If you see a red light – something that tells you that you’ll have to compromise your ethics, values or principles, then you probably shouldn’t go down that path.”

Were there any red lights? Well, being away from home would be tough, but on the weeks when I wasn’t on the road, I’d be home with the family 24/7. How many other people can say that they can be at home 12-22 weeks a year? So that didn’t seem to compromise anything. Other than that, it looked to be all systems go. I’ve never looked back and have never regretted the decision.

As I said, I’ve shared that piece of advice many times – and it is normally received enthusiastically. So thank you Jeff, for giving me some of your insight. Thank you for showing me the value of serving others. Above all else, thank you very much for being a friend.

Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him…(Psalm 37:5-7a, NIV).

Mentors - C.S. Lewis

Okay, I figure if Yancey can pull John Donne out of the Middle Ages and credit him as a mentor, I can at least pull a man who lived during my lifetime. I'm not going to delve too deeply into Lewis' personal history - there have been numerous biographies written about the man utilizing much better research than I am capable of. This post will therefore concentrate on the impact Lewis has had on my life.

I actually have to start with a little bit of history on myself. Somewhere in the dark mists of my childhood, I experienced my first realization of my own sins. My parents had a "bank" in the house where they would toss loose coins and some dollar bills, and I broke into the bank and stole most of the money - regaling some friends with candy and soda. I was caught, of course, and spent the rest of the summer trying to figure out ways in which I could repay the money.

Another event happened that summer, however. Some new kids moved in across the street. As I got to know them, they invited me to attend what would today be called a "Backyard Bible School". It was here that I first heard of God's grace through his Son Jesus Christ - that my sins would be forgiven if I would ask Christ into my heart. I was a child who was devastated by guilt, and here was forgiveness for the asking. I asked.

From what I remember, however, the reaction at home wasn't quite so ecstatic! My father forbade me from associating with those kids again. My oldest sister told me how "those people" didn't allow attending movies or anything fun. Apparently I had fallen in amongst members of the Alliance Church of Canada - an evangelical denomination. Oh the horror!

So the boy drifted away from Christ, but when I look back, I realize that Christ did not drift away from me. I became a self-styled agnostic bordering on atheist, but He was always there, keeping me safe, holding me back from getting too deeply involved in a life that would destroy me.

Fast forward about 16 years. I'm once again grappling with the decision to give my life to Christ, or rather give it BACK to Christ. During this process, I was pounding Linda (the woman I've been happily married to for almost 21 years) with all kinds of questions. You see, at this point in my life I saw myself as some kind of intellectual (ah, the folly of youth!). Linda patiently answered many of the questions, but I wouldn't stop. One day - I think out of exasperation - she handed me a book called "Mere Christianity".

For those unfamiliar with it, Mere Christianity actually started out as a series of radio broadcasts that Lewis delivered during World War II. The book requires concentration, but it is written in a style that makes you feel like you're sitting by the fireplace, listening to a man that you very much respect and admire. Lewis calmly took all of the myriad of arguments that I had against Christianity, examined each one, then systematically and logically destroyed it. "Christ was a moral teacher, but He certainly wasn't the Son of God". "Well," Lewis explained "based on what He said, Christ was either the Son of God or a colossal nut case" (I'm paraphrasing). By the end of the book, I realized that the foundation for my unbelief had been removed and I was faced with either accepting Him as my Savior or living the rest of my life in a lie that was out there for all the world to see.

So Christ - the Hound of Heaven - pursued me for years and finally caught me. Or did I catch Him? Doesn't really matter either way. Lewis was able to break through my pseudo-intellectual veneer and help me to realize the truth.

In the years since, I have also enjoyed many of Lewis' other books. The Great Divorce is an entertaining, thought provoking suggestion of what Heaven might be like. The Problem of Pain grapples with - well - the problem of pain. (As a quick aside, Lewis also had someone whose writings impacted him - GK Chesterton. Chesterton pointed out that as big as the problem of pain is for Christians, the problem of pleasure is even more insurmountable for an honest atheist). Lewis' The Screwtape Letters was not only wonderful entertainment, it also provided me with a character for one of my first acting performances.

I know that my beady little brain has no comprehension of what Heaven will be like. I do know, however, that I am very much looking forward to meeting this man in person when I get there.