Wow - it's been a couple of months since I added anything on here. Time flies when you're busy I guess.
I'm approaching one of those milestone moments in life - my 30 year high school reunion. Unfortunately I'm not going to be able to make it to the actual reunion, but it has given me opportunities to re-connect with many of the people I grew up with and went to school with. Looking through a 30 year lense, I realize what a remarkable group of people I was privileged to know.
It also gives me occasion to engage in a little self-relfection. Again through the lense of time, I see a young man who was often very engaged socially and yet frequently lonely. I see a person who could be often bitingly sarcastic and critical of others. I often long to be able to rewind to those days, mark down every hurtful thing I ever said to someone and offer up my profound apologies.
I also carried an inordinate amount of pride, particularly in my "intellect". Decent grades in school came pretty easily, and I was a very strong test taker. I somehow managed to morph that into me being some kind of ivory tower intellectual.
But what did I learn from these things? I've come to know that God has used these experiences to shape the man that I am continuing to become.
Let's start with the self applied "intellectual" label. On this one, I have to go back to one of the "mentors" that I've already posted about - C.S. Lewis. When I read Mere Christianity, one of the clearest realizations I came to was that my so-called intellect was folly. I was not the smartest person around, and knowledge is useless when held up to wisdom. As I've aged, I've noticed that my capacity to absorb more knowledge is diminishing, and I'm fine with that. What I pray for now is wisdom and discernment. I pray that He would help me to make the best decisions I can. I pray that He would help me to grow in my love for Him and for his children. I still have so very far to go.
As far as my penchant for nastiness goes, I still have many miles to go to overcome that. I will say, however, that occasioanally I find myself learning from that as well. Let me tell a little story on that point.
I have a beautiful, delightful daughter. She is currently 13, and has caught the drama bug that infects her Dad. A couple of years ago, we were doing a sketch for one of the church services. The premise of the sketch was 2 guys going out to collect for a food drive. One of them (me) was apprehensive, the other one was trying to show him that things wouldn't be that bad.
The two guys started going up to doors and met several different characters. One of the characters - a young teenage girl who was "punked out", was played by my daughter (she's very tall so can pull off roles older than her actual age).
When we arrived at church that morning, she was dressed in a short black skirt, her hair was colored a bright pink and going in many different directions, she had fishnets on her arms, a ripped sweatshirt and generally looked like a rather "undesirable" teenager. She looked perfect to play the role.
What shocked me, however, was that from the minute we walked in, she started drawing stares. As we got out of the car in the parking lot, a lady drove by throwing eye daggers at her. Many other people within the church - of all ages - gave her disapproving glares as we walked down the hall.
What was going on? Don't you people know my daughter? She's sweet and kind and loves the Lord. She's not a punk! How can you judge people like this?
(Before anyone forms an undeserved impression of our church, it is NOT a stodgy, "everyone dressed to the hilt" type of place. To give you an indication, I tend to wear shorts much of the year, and you see very few suits and ties in the place. I guess it just shows that people are humans wherever you go.)
A still small voice said "Hmm, suppose you ever judge people like that, Dale? Judge them based on looks alone? Automatically pigeon hole them into some category based on their looks or some other characteristic?"
Guilty as charged, Lord.
I'd love to say that I never judge people anymore, but I'd be a bald faced liar. I do find myself checking myself more often, and pray that He continues to open my eyes to my shortcomings.
So for whatever it's worth, I offer a blanket apology to all of those many people I have offended in the past. Please forgive me.
